Overcoming Adversity

Lets face it, life is full of adversites.  No matter how much you may have planned, there is simply no way to take into account all of the possible obstacles that you may face.  You will always have to overcome some difficulties.  The trick is not to avoid them, but rather not to fear them.  All fear leads to is worry and pain.  Instead, acknowledge them.  Better still, welcome them.  Know that you will have to deal with them.  Understand that you will have a rough and difficult time with some of them.  However, trust that YOU WILL overcome them.  They are not permanent, they will eventually go away - ALWAYS. 

So how do you handle the adversities in your life?  Are you afraid of them, or do you welcome them?  Do you stop yourself from trying anything new because you are afraid of what obstacles you may face? 

It doesn't have to be tough

There's a story I read which deals with adversity.  It's about a fly that is constantly banging itself against a window.  It's trying to get to the other side, but it struggles in vain since the window is closed.  There is no way the fly will cross over to the other side of the window by continually trying the same approach.  Exhausted, the fly succumbs to its death.  It didn't realize that the next window over was open.

Take a look at the obstacles in your life.  Are you like the fly?  Do you try the same approach to overcome a difficult situation and find yourself failing all the time?  The problem is not the obstacle, maybe you need to try a different approach.  Take a step back.  Re-evaluate the situation.  Determine, if there is a better way - a different way - an easier way perhaps.  Sometimes, the best approach is the easiest approach.  We are often misled into believing that the best way to do something is by working hard at it - that the more effort we put into it, the better our results will be.  Sweat = work = results.  That is our formula for success.  It is what our parents told us.  It is what society has led us to believe.  Thus, we work 12+ hour days.  Slaving away at our jobs.  Trying our hardest, grinding it - day in and day out. 

Hey, at least no one will ever exclaim that we didn't work hard enough right?

Taking a closer look at adversity

Adversities, troubles and hardships seem to bother us all the time.  We spend so much time thinking about our misfortunes and problems.  They cause so much greif, pain and suffering that it's difficult not to.  But what exactly are we thinking about?  Do we really understand this concept of adversity - this idea of misfortune and obstacles?  Have you ever took the time to question what an adversity really is?  Whenever I feel stuck in a situation, I like to start all over.  Assume everything I know is false.  Requestion everything.  I'd like to ask you to do the same.  Let us take the time now to delve a little deeper into this query.  Lets see if we can investigate and analyze what we mean when we talk about adversity, hardships, and obstacles.

Meriam Webster online defines adversity as "a state, condition, or instance of serious or continued difficulty or adverse fortune; misfortune."  Ok we can all agree with that - but what does that really mean?  It should make sense to say that you can't have difficulty or misfortune by itself.  It presupposes that you have <i>something</i> to be afflicted about.  Can we agree that it implies some sort of block to get from one point (A) to another point (B)?  Therefore, in order to have an adversity, there must be a goal - an expectation - an intended destination or endpoint.  Thus, we can say that an adversity is an obstruction that prevents us from achieving our goal. 

Sounds good so far - but lets take a closer look. 

The illusion of adversities

You see, how do we know exactly if an "obstruction" is preventing us from achieving our goals?  What if, it is actually helping us to achieve our goals?  Think about that for a second.  What if what we think of as misfortune is actually an aid?  Also, while an adversity may block one goal, it may very well open up a path to what may be a bigger goal. 

Now think about this:  if the life cycle begins with birth and ends with death - is there anything that can ever prevent us from fulfilling our life cycle goal?  In other words, point A is birth and point B is death, what adversity/obstacle or hardship can actually prevent the end result of death?  Unless you have found the fountain of youth, in which case you probably wouldn't be reading this, I think the answer is nothing.  Unfortunately - or fortunately, we will all achieve this life goal at some point or another.  So, if the final destination or endpoint of life is death - then does it makes sense to say that there is no such thing as adversity? 

Uh-oh, looks like we've found ouselves in a bit of a quagmire here.  We've defined what an adversity is and additionally, we've also discovered that in the overall "game of life" there can very well be no such thing as an adversity.  What this means is that adversities are never really there at all.  Instead, they are always subjective - an illusion if you will - relative to a reference point.  You see, there are adversities, but only to the extent of its relationship with a specific goal - a goal that you ultimately create.

Let's examine a scenario.  Say I want Starbucks coffee and there isn't any around (I know impossible scenario, but play with me), then I have just experienced adversity.  However, if I were to look at the bigger goal of satisfying my thirst I can see that I have many choices.  I can get some tea at a local tea house - one that I've never been to - and to my surprise I find that I enjoy it.  Furthermore, I get into an interesting conversation with the manager of the shop and one thing leads to another and next thing you know - we're honeymooning in Jamaica.  True story by the way - that's how I met my wife!  Actually, I'm just joking.  But wouldn't that make a great movie?  Ok, maybe not. 

The point is, an adversity is totally dependent on a goal.  No obstacle is inherently an adversity.  The fact that there are no Starbucks around is not an adversity, unless I create the goal of visting Starbucks.  Adversities require a goal, expectation, desire or destination.  For instance, the fact that there is no water in the desert doesn't mean that there is an adversity.  Now, the fact that there is no water in the desert COMBINED with the fact that you are lost and have no water DOES mean make it an adversity. 

Adversity and you

So how do you use this awareness to your advantage?  Think about it, who creates the goals?  Who decides what is the end point or the destination?  The answer, you do!  You are the reference point.  You create the relationship between the adversity and the goal. 

So the empowering awareness is to understand that goals are not fixed in stone, you choose your own goals.  Therefore, goals can be changed, manipulated or discarded.  Realize that if you are experiencing an adversity, it is because of an idea you created for yourself about a certain goal.  Situations, facts and events by themselves do not cause adversity. 

It sounds like you're saying that goals are bad and I should not have any.  Quite the contrary.  My perspective is that with this new awareness, it actually encourages you to set bigger, grander and more meaningful goals.  You see, if your goals are limited, then adversities "appear" greater.  However, if your goals are more encompassing, then adversities actually fade away.  I know this may take a moment to settle in for you, but it is an important point to realize.

For example, if your life goal is to become a doctor and you experience a setback that prevents you from getting into medical school, then this one setback can have a devastating impact on your life.  What if instead, your life goal was to be a doctor or a lawyer?  Well then, you might not feel so bad about medical school since you can now apply to law school.  Taking it a step further, lets say your life goal is to heal and help people.  You can see that if you do not get into medical school or law school, then you can do many other things that are still aligned with your goal.  Therefore, not getting into medical or law school is not an adversity since your goal is to heal and help - not specifically to be a doctor or a lawyer. 

What are your goals?

Now, try to imagine all the things you pull your hair out about.  What goals are not being fulfilled that make you so upset?  Are they small, minor and trivial goals?  Are these goals, expectations and desires truly realistic?  Be honest with yourself.  Are these outcomes what you really want?  Do you need to change, modify or discard any of them?  How do these goals fit into your bigger goals - how does it fit into your life goal?  Do they conflict with them or do they align with them?  Do you even have a life goal?  If not, you may want to read my earlier article, Find Your Life Purpose:  Ask Yourself Why?.

Answering these questions may help shed some light and give you a new perspective on what you consider an adversity in your life.